So another Valentine’s Day is here and I am still single, actually I’m in the throes of the failure of my first crush I’ve had since my ex and I broke up almost two years ago. Not surprisingly, today has been an interesting day for me. My mood has vacillated from happily determined to remembering what this day means in my life to love and to moroseness that I cannot quite seem to get this whole “man thing” right. Sometimes I truly wonder if what my “friend” told me many years ago is actually true. Are some of us destined to go through life alone? No long lasting true partner, no children, forever the loner? Yes, he said it to be cruel, but that doesn’t negate the thought. Honestly, at this point in my life I have to wonder… As it is, I’m already coming to the stark realization that there is a pretty good chance that I’ll never have children. Should I also be laying to rest my womanly dreams of the love of a good man, someone to be my partner in this life? Sometimes I wish I had an answer to that question.
Contrary to what it may seem so far, I’m not writing this post in order to garner sympathy for my oh so common plight. Nor am I looking to hear the platitudes that seem to come hand in hand whenever one examines their singleness and the question of whether or not there is someone for them. I don’t really need, nor do I want to hear the old stand byes of, “there’s someone for you” or “you just need to stop looking or do XYZ or ABC or LMNOP for him to appear” or even “you still have time, lots of women have kids into their early forties!” My question is valid, especially given the path of my life and it’s not necessarily completely depressing either. Yes, it can be a bit of a downer (yes, I know, understatement), but we all lay dreams to rest sometimes and while that’s a sad thing it can also open many doors as well. Anyways, for now we’re going to leave that thought in the dust, although we may come back to it in a later post. Or not, who knows.
I’m sitting here, once again out on one of the most (forcibly) romantic days of the year. Dressed to the nines, alone, but with the purpose of celebrating the love I have for myself. You see, I think I’m a pretty alright person, not perfect by any means. No, not perfect or even close. I struggle with my temper at times, with depression and mood swings, I’m contrary as all hell, shy, a bit awkward, anxious, and not all that responsible with money. I’m stubborn, some would say mulish. But, I’m also kind and honest and loving. I’m responsible and caring. Sweet, funny, and I’ll damn near give the shirt off my back to take care of you. I love to see people smile and I will fight for the ones without anyone to fight for them. I’m a fan of the underdog. I’ll go out of my way to build you up, because you see, like me, you are a pretty alright person too. And you’re worth being loved. Just like I am. So, on this day when the marketing giants (assholes that they are) try to make me believe that I’m a failure because I’m alone, I treat myself to something that is special to me. Because society and the marketing giants are dead wrong. I am not a failure and neither are any of you, even if you’re sitting alone right now at home pounding a bottle. We all have our off days. We are allowed to have those days and having them doesn’t make us unworthy of love.
Today is a day that many say is a “made up” holiday, all about commercialism and greed. I disagree. That’s what they want it to be about, that’s not what it’s actually about. Today is about LOVE. For yourself, your family, your friends, lovers, random people on the street, pets, and everything. Love. Today is a day to remember that while we all have our off days, days where we fail at showing love to the people in our lives and random human beings (not to mention animal kind), we DO love and we love well. I know a man who buys three dozen roses to give out on this day. Not to one special woman, like me he is single. No, he buys these roses to give out to random women that he has never met. Not in hopes of a date, but because he wants to bring a smile to someone’s face. Well, three dozen smiles, plus the smiles of all of those that know about his endeavor. THAT is what this day is about, NOT chocolate, flowers, expensive dinners, feeling guilty or inadequate. Today is about love for each other and ourselves. We all need it, deserve it, and should show it more often. We are all loved and today is a damn good day to remember that, tell each other, and show each other what we mean. Even if it’s as simple as a hug, kiss, call, text, freaking FB message, or whatever. Love.
Valentine’s Day is what you want it to be, not what we are told it must be.
Happy Valentine’s Day, my friends.
(and yes, the next Iceland post IS coming, but the internet hates me and work has been utterly killer all week)